Check in at the Propeller City Lodge and choose from one of its many bizarro sleeping quarters and then familiarize yourself with the U-Bahn and S-Bahn routes, which will be your key to the gates of this party paradise.
You've arrived on a Monday, with the intention of hitting up all the happy hours throughout the week and sampling many of Berlin's queer bars and clubs (Barbie Deinhoff's on Tuesday; The Club on Wednesday; Möbel Olfe, Roses, and/or Chantal's House of Shame on Thursday; and what luck, the bi-weekly CouchSurfing gathering is happening at Silver Future this week).
On Friday night you cue early and get admission to Berghain, but only surveying the crowd for cuties before deciding to come back on Sunday, when the Berliners show up. You look up what parties are happening this weekend at venues such as Club der Visionäre and Griessmühle and schedule it so you can visit more than one.
But you've planned your trip to coincide with Gegen, the monthly activist sex-party at KitKatClub, and you start your weekend there after pre-gaming with a Tindr date and a breathtaking view of Berlin at Klunkerkranich.
After a night of dancing and whether you leave the club alone or with new friends in tow, walk along the nearby Spree as the sun rises. A nap in the Tiergarten might be in order.
Saturday evening you visit another party and brunch Sunday morning at Café Morgenrot before heading to Berghain's garden and segueing slowly into another long night, this time blissed out in the throng of black-clad techno geeks and maybe risking a journey into the many (unfortunately only gay-male) darkrooms off the sides of the dance floors.
You extricate yourself from the entrancing beats and collective unconscious to grab something quick on the overpass near the train station before catching the first S7 back to the lodge.